Making a “Stop Doing” List
By now, we have settled into the new year. 2025 sounds so futuristic, but it is a reality. Almost every day, I make a ‘to-do” list, and most of the time, I accomplish everything on the list. However, what I need to concentrate on is a “stop doing” list. I am pretty certain I wouldn’t have the same percentage of accomplishment as my “to-do” list. Even though I have perfected the routine of making a list of things that need to be done, I am not a fan of making resolutions. Still, I am a fan of renewal and working toward being the person Jesus created me to be. Each year, the top resolutions are losing weight, getting organized, learning a new skill or hobby, saving more money/spending less, quitting smoking, and spending more time with family and friends. Those are all great goals, but what about holding a grudge? That’s probably something that could be on all of our “stop doing” list.
Letting go of a grudge and forgiveness are two different things. Forgiveness means actively choosing to let go of anger and resentment toward someone who has wronged you, allowing you to move forward. Holding a grudge involves actively dwelling on past hurt, maintaining negative feelings, and often seeking to punish the person who wrongs you. You essentially keep the hurt alive within yourself; forgiveness is a release, while holding a grudge is a continued burden.
Forgiveness or letting go of a grudge both require a commitment to change. It means different things to different people, but it generally involves intentionally letting go of resentment and anger. It might even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy, and compassion for the one who hurt you. The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you, but working on a resolution can lessen that act’s grip on you. The best way to start the process is with prayer. Jesus emphasized the importance of forgiving our brothers and sisters and even forgiving our enemies. Forgiveness should be at the top of the Christian to-do list, and holding a grudge should be at the top of the “stop doing” list.
Matthew 6:14-15
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Neither one should excuse the harm done to you. It also doesn't necessarily mean making up with the person who caused the harm. Although, forgiveness can bring peace that allows you to focus on yourself and helps you go on with life. Getting another person to change isn’t the point. It’s about focusing on what you can control. Letting go of a grudge can change your life by bringing peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Being hurt by someone, particularly someone you love and trust, can cause anger, sadness, and confusion. Grudges filled with resentment and hostility can take root if you dwell on hurtful events or situations.
Sometimes, the person isn't even aware of how much they have hurt you. When that happens, and you want to keep the relationship, it's important to remember all the good the person has done in your life. Every relationship you've ever been in requires some forgiveness to maintain itself. Everyone is flawed, and our perceptions are too. Occasional hurt and disappointment are inevitable, but we need to remember people aren’t replaceable. God wants us to forgive those who have hurt us so that the pain will stop. It's for our sake.
In this new year, I pray God leads you to forgive and let go of any grudges heavy on your heart.
Blessings,
Peggy Zumhofe
Executive Pastor