Wait, was that my inside voice?

On one of my recent trips, trapped for far too long in an airplane seat, I stumbled upon a movie I probably wouldn’t have otherwise watched called Chaos Walking. The details of the movie aren't that important other than it's a sci-fi movie set on some other planet in the universe. What's interesting about it is that on this planet, all the thoughts men have are audible for everyone around them to hear. When the hero, played by Tom Holland, meets a woman for the first time, watching him interact with her is entertaining and slightly embarrassing. He says one thing with his words, but at the same time, his other thoughts, his truer thoughts, are heard by her and others. It makes you laugh uncomfortably.

It's uncomfortable because we all recognize a difference between our "inside" and "outside" voices, and we want to keep it that way. Some thoughts are going on inside us that we would rather not be public. There are sensitive, vulnerable parts of ourselves we hide, guard, and protect. There are thoughts we have that would hurt others if they heard them. There are corners of our souls that we fear would make us unlovable if exposed. There are quirks, idiosyncrasies, and generally unpopular parts of ourselves for which we would rather not be judged. It's the human condition, right?

Now think about what your life would be like if, even for one day, everywhere you went, you had a little voice around your head that broadcast out loud every single thought. Every. Single. One. How would you handle that? If it were just for that day, I would get in a car and park myself in a forest as far from others as possible. If it was more than a day…well…I'd be looking for a new job pretty quick!

Now consider these two verses, the second of which we talked about on Sunday:

“ O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.” Psalm 139:1-4

“For there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed, and nothing concealed that will not be brought to light.” Mark 4:22

What I described above, the broadcasting of every thought is reality. God is constantly watching the ticker-tape of every thought, staring into the darkest corners of our soul, watching every action we take, and taking note of both the "inside" and "outside" voices. You don't get to filter yourself when you're dealing with God.

Now imagine that on the Day of Judgment, all that is put on video and played for everyone to see. What is your emotional reaction to that reality?

We often think that this video being played would be all about all the bad things in our lives. We assume the things everyone would focus on, God included, are all the shameful, embarrassing, dark, or unrighteous things. It makes sense. Nobody watches reality TV to see the best in people. We are all there for the secrets, and the Day of Judgment will be the best gossip-fest-inducing reality show of them all!

We forget that none of that will be new information for God. For him, there are no shocks. All our hiding, posturing, pretending, trying to screw up our courage or willpower, and our acts of love and anger are completely known. The Day of Judgment will come with no surprises. And, because of that, nothing will change about how he sees us.

If we can grasp this, it gives us amazing freedom. God loves us as we are, and we are known through and through. Whatever façades we try to present, or whatever secrets we try and bury, they do nothing to affect how God sees us. We are known. And his offer to love, redeem, and adopt us is there despite and because he knows every minute detail. The façades we put up to make sure other people love us are as invisible to God as a hospital gown is to an x-ray machine.

Of course, none of this means that God doesn't care about the brokenness, fears, dark places, or areas we need to repent. He is in the restoration and healing business, meaning he must know all the damage and darkness. However, the bigger reality is that his offer of love, grace, and calling supersedes all of that. We are invited to leave that stuff behind and trust in his goodness.

I appreciate this quote by John R. Claypool in the book, Learning to Forgive Ourselves.

“We all have shadows and skeletons in our backgrounds. But listen, there is something bigger in this world than we are and that something bigger is full of grace and mercy, patience and [love] ingenuity. The moment the focus of your life shifts from your badness to his goodness and the question becomes not “What have I done?” but “What can he do?” release from remorse can happen; miracle of miracles, you can forgive yourself because you are forgiven, accept yourself because you are accepted, and begin to start building up the very places you once tore down. There is grace to help in every time of trouble. … Trust it.”

For those of us who are willing to embrace that love, who invite Jesus to lead and heal us, I think we will live out our faith a whole lot differently. There is freedom in knowing we are known and loved anyway. We no longer need to turn our thoughts and behaviors into bargaining chips for God's relationship. Sure, he will continue to work on them, but never as a way of determining value. That has already been established, and he invites us to trust it.

If we can figure that out and truly live into it, God can begin to do his work in us and through us. He can bring us out of fear, out of posturing, out of striving, and we can begin loving him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Oh…and hopefully our neighbors, as well.

We might even find freedom from the sin of having so many secrets…as well as demanding others have theirs. They're all going to be revealed anyway!

May you walk in freedom and live in love.

Trevor Owen

Pastor of Spiritual Formation